somedays I feel stronger than I have been.then im listening to music or walking near the mountains of our childhood home or a thought popped up in my mind.Thats when my heart sinks and I realize no im not ok,i sob and feel so sad and lost.hoping that no one sees me or comes over to see whats wrong.As I don't want to be stopped and have my grief interrupted ,I need to cry let it all out.i want to shout out that im not that strong ,I miss my brother and I want to talk about my pain and I want to be able to say 'hey world I want to be alone for a few days,ive been at the bedside of my dying brother and ive been there when he passed.so today and the next few days I want to be alone and comfort and be comforted with my own little family.stop the clocks and turn of the phone'.Just I cant people need me to be strong for them and if I can help just one by talking with them and understanding their grief.Then that's what ill do and ill cry when Im alone at home.i miss you and I feel your with me such a lot.Paul I miss you so much the space you've left in the family is huge xxx god bless handsome xxx